Isiliel's Path

Looking for a simple, yet significant path in these chaotic times

 The weather has been very strange this winter.  One day it may be almost 80 degrees and then the next day it will be down to freezing.  It’s not good for most of the plants, but I have one renegade tomato plant that is absolutely thriving.

 I didn’t plant this tomato, it was seeded from plants that had previously grown in the back yard.  It’s a wild child.  And it had weathered the drought and the storms better than any of the other nursery grown plants that I have.

 Why is that?  Could it be because it hasn’t been ‘nurtured’ and grown under ideal conditions?  Could it be because it seeded itself into the soil it would live it’s life out in?  It could be a combination of those things and more.  I haven’t given it a whole lot of care, and yet it’s grown larger than any tomato plant I ever grown.  It’s still growing.  My pathway through the flower beds has been blocked by a large portion of it because I just don’t want to cut it back.  It deserves to grow as long as it possibly can.

We haven’t had an extended freeze yet this season.  If we do it will most likely be too much for the tomato plant to handle, but it’s been really interesting to watch the wild child.  I think I will go get flower seeds this year rather than small plants and let them take advantage of starting out in the same soil in which they’ll live their lives out.  It seems less traumatic and more productive for the plants.

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I am trying to figure out if you can add a picture in the middle of a post using the WordPress iPad app, but it always deletes my post when I add the picture.

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Once again I’ve neglected blogging. I’m still working on what the goals of the blog should be. Spiritually I am at a roadblock. I don’t feel very inspired (which is not to say that I feel bad – just uninspired), and as such I don’t have a lot of energy. I think that i work best, though, when I have a more regimented schedule. So I will try to write at least a little bit every day. Even though I may only write a few paragraphs, I’ll try to get something with a little bit of spirit written down.

So I will work on blending the old with the new – blending reverence for the Universal Source and all that encompasses with the new magic tools that enchant me so much. It’s really amazing that anywhere I am, I can look up the tools of my trade – new poems, chants, tools, herbs, or tips – right there on the spot when it matters. Now that’s magic!

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One of my favorite places to spend a weekend hiking or relaxing is Brazos Bend State Park in Texas.  The wildlife in the park is diverse and plentiful, and the flora is just as varied.  I’ve been there at several different times during the year and each season holds its own

sense of beauty.  Spring is one of my favorite times, though, because it’s still a bit chilly in the morning and the lilies in the ponds are in full bloom.  Hiking in the summer can become a bit of a trial with the heat, but most of the trails go through dense thickets and woods, and so there is shade a plenty. 

I want to start hiking more this year, and eventually hike through the Grand Canyon National Park.  That probably won’t happen this year, but this year I will endeavor to collect all the equipment I need and get in plenty of practice hiking.  Hiking is one of the few ways I have to quiet my mind and spend most of my thinking time on spiritual pursuits.  Lately I don’t seem to be able to find a lot of time for spiritual activity – even though I know I should set aside time for it.  But I’ve finally made up my mind that I will make time for hiking and following spirit at least once a week for my physical and mental health.

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I don’t know about you but I decided that since it’s the end of the world, it’s a good day to celebrate life so I made a pitcher of Wine-A-Ritas and have spent most of the day relaxing and doing things I like doing.
So why wait for a special day? I have begun to come around to the fact that this shouldn’t be a special occasion, this should be something I do on a regular basis. At least once a month! I’ve enjoyed some good wine, cooked some Italian food, caught up on television shows and continued reading my current books. I feel I’ve been productive (I even managed to clean the house, too) and I feel good about myself. Yes, the End of the World should definitely come more often.

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I’ve sorely neglected my blogs for the past few months as I’ve been reassessing the changes in my world.  The economic crisis has hit home, and I’m learning to live with less while still maintaining some kind of quality of life.  I’ve cut out a lot of extras, but have found some free (or much cheaper) alternatives.  Including moving to Linux when my Windows software crashed.  Finding out how much software is available free online has been a real eyeopener.  One way or another I have been able to find the same or similar capabilities for everything I had in Windows.  Most of it is cloud-based, so going from work to home has been seamless even though I have different operating systems.  It’s amazing when you think about it, how far technology has come in the past 10-15 years.

And so, my new world of technology begins this decade with a Linux machine.  Sometimes it’s nice to be able to erase everything and start all over again.  No clutter, just a clean sweep.  Now I’m forced to really look at how everything else fits into my life.  I’ve held onto a lot of things because they were ‘memories’ that I wanted to keep.  But do I really need those memories in a tangible context?  They’re all in my head – do I really need the piece of paper to remind me of what I already know or still remember?  I’m beginning to think that ‘No’, I don’t really need the pieces of paper.  This will definitely be the year of clearing out for me.  In more ways than one.

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For the past few years I have been a bit distracted as far as spiritual pursuits are concerned.  I have kept to myself and shunned the company of others when attempting to identify what my real beliefs are.  I have finally come to a place where I don’t feel the need to identify my beliefs with a given name.  I know what I feel, and I know what feels right to me.  And I also know what feels wrong.  And when something feels wrong – then it is wrong – for me.  And I allow others that same courtesy – what feels wrong to me, may be right for others, and that is OK.  As long as each of us are allowed to walk our own paths without others trying to impose their views then each of us will do what is right for us individually.  At this time of Thanksgiving I am so thankful for the freedom to make my own choices and to follow my own path and add the experiences to what has become the totality of my beliefs.

Now that I am comfortable with who I am and what I believe I am ready to embark on my journey with others.  I am ready to share and compare experiences and start forming friends with others of like minds.  I am really looking forward to starting down this new path at a time in my life when I am no longer worried about raising kids or climbing the corporate ladder.  I am free to concentrate on myself and my needs, and to form friendships with women who are on similar paths, even if they aren’t at the same point in their lives.  I have chosen to take a journey with other women because I feel the need to really dig much deeper into who I am and what lies deep within my soul and I don’t feel (yet) that I could really share those thoughts and experiences with male figures at this time.  I have also chosen to look deeper into Women’s Mysteries and so my path is taking me to the Sisterhood of Avalon.  I hope to share some of my experiences here as I embark on this new journey.

(Photographer: anankkml)

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Last year I was very remiss in getting out seasonal decorations at this time of year.  I was slightly depressed and just didn’t have enough energy to put decorations up (and they most likely would have stayed up through the summer).  This year I’ve invited the family to my house for a holiday dinner, which means that I will have to 1) clean my house, 2) clean my yard, and 3) put up some decorations.  But I’m ready for it this year.  I’m going to have to take a little more notice in the future of those times when I’m depressed and learn to snap out of it.  My yard is in desperate need of weeding because I didn’t get around to that as often as I needed to this summer.  So cleaning the yard will give me a good start on the next spring and summer season.  I should start inviting people over to the house more often if only to force me to keep up with the housework and yard word a little better.

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We have had absolutely beautiful clear, crisp, cool autumn weather over the past few weeks.  Fall was definitely in the air when you awoke in the morning and felt a slight chill as you stepped outside in the early morning hours.  The dogs bounded outside with glee and playfulness.  The sky was clear and blue.  No haze of humidity marred its color.  The Bay was sparkly and slightly choppy, prompting hundreds of sailboats to venture forth on the weekends. 

But suddenly that has all changed.  No longer is the air crisp and cool with the scent of fall.  And the winter winds have not reached the shores yet either.  No, somehow, summer has crept back into the atmosphere.  The humidity has returned and with it the clouds and afternoon thunderstorms.  I love the warmer weather, but it has worn a bit on my soul this year.  The time for summer should be over.  I yearn for cooler nights and days, and the feel of wool on my skin as I warm up while walking through the fallen leaves.  But apparently fall is not coming until at least November.

Weather is such a funny thing.  I can long remember the Winter Solstice being a cool but sunny day where I live.  We rarely have snow in the winter, and when we do it is usually marked down in the record books.  So I’m used to the sun shining when everyone else has a snow covered landscape, but to anticipate the change in weather and then suddenly be thrown backwards into a previous warm season can be a bit depressing.  The weather is still beautiful.  It’s just the wrong season.  To me.  Mother Nature, of course would beg to differ.

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It’s the middle of the night and I’m not usually awake at this time.  I did something stupid, though, and drank a large cup of coffee before going to bed because I was SO cold.  I should have just then a hot bath, but for some reason that mug of warm, smooth coffee was calling me.  So I heeded it’s call in spite of knowing that I would still fall asleep, but awake in the middle of the night with no more intentions of sleeping away the energy of the previous day.

I seem to be a little more clear headed when I awake in the night time.  I should probably get up more often and start writing things down.  I remember those things that I have forgotten from the previous day (anxiety), and I seem to be able to focus a little better.  So, why doesn’t coffee affect me like this in the morning?  Could it be because I’m so rushed that I drink it a sip at a time as I’m going through my morning routine?  Or does it always take 4 hours to kick in?

I started going through my Facebook groups, blogs and pages and really culled a lot of them out.  I notice that I spend more time responding to people than I do looking at the groups, blogs and pages, so I left only the ones that I know I’ll return to.  FB has become such a monster that it’s almost ineffective now.  I can’t get to everything, so I miss things and I spend a lot of time catching up with things that didn’t make my front page because I hadn’t responded to them recently.  It becomes a vicious cycle of who I’m currently responding to, and who gets left out.  And I rarely even take the time to update my status any more.  I’m going to have to take some time to figure out how to make this more effective.

The beginning of fall has been really beautiful here.  The leaves aren’t changing yet, but the weather has cooled down enough that I can get outside and enjoy the sun and the beautiful, clear skies on the weekends.  The wind has been blowing and the Bay has been full of sailboats.  But the allergens have decided to take advantage of the beautiful weekends, too.  I love getting outside but I have to take my medicine to be able to enjoy the abundance life is offering to me at this time.  It could be that’s why I’m so much more clear-headed at night – the medicine has mostly worn off!

I have been doing a lot of thinking about spirituality lately, and I’m torn with the fact that I believe that the Higher Power is out there, but I really don’t think that anyone here has adequately defined it.  So I don’t follow any particular dogma, only what I think feels right to me.  And what feels right is that people should be allowed to follow their own paths and not feel bound to any particular religion or religious thought process that they may have been born into.  I am so much more comfortable with where I am spiritually right now, but the one thing I am missing is the like-minded group to talk with, and compare notes, and prompt new thoughts.  And friendship.  And so I’ve decided that I really need to start looking for like-minded individuals to start more conversations with, and hopefully get together with at some point.  And FB may be a good start for that.  But at least the pain and depression seems to be subsiding at this time.

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